Why shouldn’t you use your children as messengers?

On Behalf of | Apr 26, 2024 | Family Law |

Trying to communicate with an ex about the children can sometimes feel like you’re pulling teeth from a tiger. It’s usually best to have clear guidelines about how communication will be handled.

Sometimes, it may seem easier to just send messages with your child since you know that your ex will probably listen to the kids, but that’s not ever a good idea. There are a lot of issues that can stem from trying to have the children pass messages back and forth.


One of the biggest issues that comes up when you try to pass messages through the children is that there’s a risk for the information to be relayed incorrectly. This can set the stage for a big misunderstanding between you and your ex, so it’s best to discuss things directly.

Intense reactions

Children shouldn’t be subjected to the intense reactions that may come with the relayed messages. There’s no way that you can control this, so you have to take steps to prevent it.


Sometimes, the messages that are being passed may make the child feel like things are unstable. One way this can happen is that they’ll feel as though they’re caught in between their parents.

Parents should get the parenting plan set up as quickly as possible. This provides them with the information they need to determine how things related to the children should be done. One point that should be included in this agreement is a set of terms related to their communication. Working with someone who’s familiar with these matters is beneficial.

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